hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
