The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
