OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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