Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
