just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
