there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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