Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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