we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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