I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
