I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
