I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
