My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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