he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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