dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
