So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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