I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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