Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I know her cup size but not her name....
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
