I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I think my vagina is haunted
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
