my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
