I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I think my vagina is haunted
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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