I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
