its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
