If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
