he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
