Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
