Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
