I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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