I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Randomize
