You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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