You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Someone signed my nipple.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
