Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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