just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
