Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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