In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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