why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
