I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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