3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
