it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
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