There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Randomize
