i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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