Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
