I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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