omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
