The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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