Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
