I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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