I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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