Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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