I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
