Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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