the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
