did you get engaged???
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
