woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
