Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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