I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
