You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
tell me about the eggs
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