I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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