I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
