i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
