I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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