She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
