her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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