Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
