this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
