get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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