the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
