...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
