my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Warsđ
At least Iâm an âessential employeeâ and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesnât ask why Iâm essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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