no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
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We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
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Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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