end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
