it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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