dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
